a healing, PINK world

Monday was a bad day. I was distant, sad and withdrawn. Things kept going through my mind; things that I should have been doing. I should have been making final preperations for my hospital stay, taking Landon to my parents to stay the night, discussing the excitment of welcoming Maelie with friends and family, getting no sleep from being anxious and excited. Instead, I was crying, pleading with God; if He would bring her back, wake me up from this awful nightmare; I would do anything.

God has other plans. Plans that I don't like right now and plans that I question. I knew when I lost Maelie; there were 2 options: 1) Turn from my Faith, be completely mad at God and give up or 2) Grow closer to God, trust him and keep going. I prayed to him that if this was going to be my new life, that he needed to help me. He has. I am strengthened by him. There is not much that I fear now; not even death. I pray to my God; the one who created his Son to die a painful, degrading death for my sins. Of course he is going to comfort me, of course he is going to strengthen me. He knows exactly how I feel.

As I fell asleep that night, I was dreading waking up the next morning. I just knew the what-ifs and should've-beens would fill my heart and mind all day. Again, God had other plans. I woke up to my sweet boy telling me he loves me more than anything, family and friends who were texting me words of love and support. I woke up to a PINK world.

Throughout my day, I kept seeing friends, family and strangers in pink; honoring my sweet Maelie. I can't explain the peace and comfort I felt all day, I cried way less than I thought I would. My heart was happy and I still found joy on a day that I thought would bring me nothing but hurt.

I wish I could hug each and everyone one of you and tell you face-to-face that you made a few pieces of my broken heart less sharp. Your love, support and prayers help heal me and I am so very thankful.

I woud do anything to have her back and to have my family whole, but I can't and there is no changing that. I now push through the sadness and strive to bless others and share my daugther with you all, hoping that I help at least one person, because so many people have helped me.

So, thank you, a million times, thank you! The enemy was defeated yesterday as we showed love, kindness and humility and I know that Maelie saw it <3